1. |
Circles
04:16
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“Anyone seeing this has seen at work the current that flows ... to fuse creatures together and impel them into action without conscious thought or will: has seen at work the angel which drove the First Crusade into Antioch and drives the lemmings into the sea.”
(Richard Adams, Watership Down, Ch. 4)
Caught me running in circles when I have your little hearts right here, inside my arms.
Ideas of movement and orbit feeling your gravitational pull.
God, I’m tired: I could do with a dose of pain; ten thousand doldrums in a day.
And is it wrong? We must take the time to sort it out but who could have patience in a drought?
Circling me with all of the love I’ve ever known—I couldn’t it hold it on my own
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2. |
Watership Down
05:07
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“It was evening of the following day. The north-facing escarpment of Watership Down, in shadow since early morning, now caught the western sun for an hour before twilight ... Far below lay the fields green with wheat, the flat pastures grazed by horses, the darker greens of the woods. They too, like the hillside jungle, were tumultuous with evening.” (Richard Adams, Watership Down, Ch. 18)
Tear me at the seams, all the money that you dream I am Watership Down, I am breaking in the sound.
A Filipino quarter, I am working your short order, you can see where I stand and my trembling hands.
I don’t know you but I want to.
Delicate strings: you don’t hear a thing, do you?
All the secrets that I planned and the elephant I damned; he is standing in the room and I don’t think he sees you
I am calling out your name thinking it’s another day, but it’s Sunday at the lastest and I haven’t said my graces for you.
I now see how this could be: “I do.”
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3. |
Standing in Relief
05:29
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“Who wants to hear about brave deeds when he’s ashamed of his own, and who likes an open, honest tale from someone he’s deceiving?” cCh. 17)
Could I tell you a secret? I daily deal in deception and lies
Oh I can never get any relief
And to be clear I was raised up right (walk by faith and not by sight) but I am on my own now can't you see
“Could I beg you for a smoke?” was a question I oft used to quote; now here I sit in sullen self-restraint
And ain’t it something, this path I chose? Move by instinct and follow my nose; so treat me like the lapdog that I am
Oh it's so easy to make this right, look to the light, take my life off the line
I need something to hold on to — a steady lover; a creed or two — and, wavering, I’ll take my first real step
Not to sell myself short: I’m accustomed to pain; the bending of love and the breaking of faith. Oh I could use a week spent in poor health
Oh it’s not always easy to get it right, keep your sight, live your life out of a mystery
Someday soon I’ll sink again into the depression of my unmade bed; it holds me like an anxious mother’s wrap
And I'll tell you this it's unnerving to see my shame growing stronger the more I achieve. Well, I have looked that gift horse in its mouth
Oh, it’s never easy to make it right, read the signs, look at your life: I would hate me! Well, that’s not right. Give it another try. I am full of surprise. This is not what I would have expected of life.
All too often I try to hide from myself but shine a light and here I am, I'm standing in relief
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4. |
The Wall
06:21
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“I don’t know what is it,’ answered Fiver wretchedly. ‘There isn’t any danger here, at this moment. But it’s coming—it’s coming. Oh, Hazel, look! The field! It’s covered with blood!”
(Richard Adams, Watership Down, Ch. 1)
Across the wall, red-blue coat he’s standing tall—across the wall.
The sky grows dark, a hurried sun completes its arc—sky grows dark
I feel we’ve met, his back to me a silhouette—I feel we’ve met.
Knife in hand, he turns my way reveals his plan—knife in hand.
“Where can I go?” he mutters soft, clearing his throat—“where can I go?”
I bow my knee: I know this dream, he’ll come for me—I bow my knee
And step by step I hear his stride he’s coming yet—step by step
I’ll pay my debts; among my sins, worry and fret—I’ll pay my debts
I take a breath; am soon betrayed by my pounding chest—I take a breath
And at the wall, he stops he waits for night to fall—at the wall
And through the wall, he takes a step I see it all—through the wall
And like a child, I cry out loud, so weak so wild—like a child
Those bright blue eyes; a face like wax his hands like ice—bright blue eyes
At the wall, he takes my life my strength my all—at the wall
Who are we men that we might take a man against the wall?
How will I fight this terror I feel inside?
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5. |
A Fool
07:07
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“At last he saw the first of dawn, like a light faintly perceived ‘round a corner at the far end of an unknown burrow; and in the same moment a yellow-hammer sang.” (Richard Adams, Watership Down. Ch. 11)
I didn't think it through, I tried to make a fool out of life.
No, you don’t have to ask, I tried to make a pass at my wife.
All of the clothing I stripped: then where is the skip in my heart?
Another wasted day of news and video games in the dark.
Well, we could have it out, or we could make a mountain of this.
Well, I won’t get it right, but I just think it might be a risk worth taking on, worth getting wrong, worth the fight.
I can’t see the beast sneaking up on me in the night but it’s trying so far.
And I’m trying, but it’s hard.
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Opie's Funeral Chilliwack, British Columbia
Project of Caleb van der Leek: singer-songwriter; teacher; husband; pilgrim
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